Dear Diary, Christmas is coming...I repeat CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!
I now have less than a month for a dream boy to fall in love with me.
I've had such a busy month at work, teaching keeps getting more and more difficult as the weeks go on. I think the kids are as eager for Christmas as I am now.
On the plus side, I've started a healthy eating regime and have been shedding those pounds! I have a Christmas party with work next week and I'm determined to look fantastic for it. Only problem is, what does a brownie wear on a night out?! I need to stand out from the rest! I think a shopping trip is in order...
Well, this week it's out with the 'old flames' and in with the new! Colin Corn has now disappeared from Facebook and Scotty Skeleton has moved on... said he had a bad feeling in his bones or something?!
Anyway, on the topic of flames - Bonfire Night. Wow, the time of year when boys propose to girls in front of roaring fires and beautiful explosions of light in the sky... well I gave up on that dream. I decided to celebrate ALONE.
I headed to the open fields of Beverley Westwood, renowned for its fantastic bonfires and displays. Surrounded by couples, families and large friendship groups, I didn't really know where to look. I felt a little embarrassed at first. I tried to see if there was any boys on their own who I could accidentally bump into...
By the time the display had finished, I was still on my own but maybe that's not a bad thing, eh girls? Do I need a man to keep me warm on cold winter nights?
I finished the night with a nice warm hotdog (instead of a hotman) and chips from Rebels' Smokehouse. Loved it!
Here's a foodie selfie!
I AM SO EMBARRASSED! Not only has Colin Corn disappeared off the face of the Earth but my next 'hot date' turned out to be a phony!!! So after my last date (with Colin), I felt something was about to materialise... and then he stopped texting?! Like, completely stopped!
Maybe I sent too many texts? Maybe the messages were too long? I mean, when he stopped replying, I just sent him a couple of reminders, like 2 or 3, maybe 7? Oh God, I sent 7 more texts after he didn't reply :(
Anyway, back to my next NIGHTMARE! I got my sorry-self back onto Tinder, after a few 'right swipes' the dreamiest dreamboat of a man appeared on my screen... 'SCOTTY'... I couldn't swipe quick enough, what a beauty! I called him Hotty Scotty in my head... and maybe in a couple of messages too.
The muscular giant seemed like the perfect rebound after the disappearance of Colin Corn, and just like me; he was eager to meet up for a date. Before you know it, there I was, in my favourite restaurant; Rebels' Smokehouse. And did he turn up? YES... yes 'he' did... But this wasn't a 'Hotty Scotty', Oh no, this was Scotty SKELETON. He recognised me instantly, I told him there must have been a mistake, he said 'no' and showed me all his messages... I'd been conned! Into a date!
But here I am, in my favourite restaurant, all the front of staff winking and waving at me... yep, I couldn't dismiss this 'guy' now. Not in front of them. I'd never be able to come back.
I ordered a Halloween Burger special and got chatting (though I was consciously trying to eat more and more so I couldn't talk too much). Scotty was alright I suppose. Nice enough but I couldn't help but feel hurt by the deceiving display picture. He's adamant that he's in the picture... what does he mean? There's a picture of a big muscular human and Scotty still claims to be in the picture?! Hmm...
Anyway, we ended on a selfie... I looked a little slimmer than usual, so that's a bonus... for now?
Woke up feeling very fuzzy this morning. I met up with Colin Corn on Friday night, we stopped off at Rebels' Smokehouse to try their new UFO Burger, had a few drinks and a great catch-up... sounds nice and straight forward? Wrong.
Me and Colin go back years, we went to school together but lost contact as we went to University. He's always been the kind of guy your parents love; "Why can't you go out with Colin, he's sweet". But he was always too sweet, I only ever saw him as friend material... until now. WAHHHHHH. For some reason my chocolate filled brain is telling me that Colin would be worth pursuing. He works, has a nice car and a beautiful house... but how does he see me? Lonely, sad, podgy?
Damn you, feelings. He text me on Saturday saying he enjoyed our meet up, he even put THREE kisses at the end of the message... in texting etiquette that means he likes me, right? Or did he mean to put a 'friendly' one and slipped... putting three instead?
Anyway, back to work and all I can think about is my handsome 'Green Giant' friend...
I MUST play this one cool,
Should I text him?...
Oh God... I just have!
Two kisses, Bridget?! What were you thinking? No one ever puts two kisses, TWO kisses!!! What does that even mean? He can't even read into two brain-frying kisses.
I guess I better sit and wait.
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So, I've admittedly had a bit of time away from my blog... my time has been spent on the social media craze - Tinder. I must admit that this has worked wonders for my confidence. There's some tasty looking characters on there.
People have taken a real interest in (and I quote) "a delicious, chocolaty brownie" on Tinder. It's great, though I probably spend far too much time on it. I almost missed the bus yesterday because I was engaged in some sweet conversation with a handsome young man. Oops.
As for this weekend, well, that was something special! My kind creators took me to the Beverley Food Festival (East Yorkshire). We had lots of fun, there was over 20,000 people there! I was a bit cold at first, I think winter's coming... but then, people started pulling me around and asking for photos with me :) that soon warmed me up!
Brownie Heaven were selling their new scary Halloween Eggs! http://www.brownieheaven.co.uk/products/4-halloween-screme-eggs - They sold out before the day was done. People were really excited by the pumpkin brownie.
Have a look at little old me :)
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Feeling invigorated and empowered after night in with Cass and Donna – eliminated all traces of feelings for JC.
The night started as all good evenings do, the 3 of us snuggled into Donna’s little living room. Her box isn’t the biggest but her living room is undoubtedly the most comfortable and a place where we love spending drunken evenings of celebration/commiseration.
When I arrived, Cass was already in the middle of retelling an argument that she and Sid had had that morning:
“… and he called me crazy! For wanting to plan our meals so that we stop spending so much money. That is helpful of me! And considerate. He just expects everything to happen and…”
Pretty typical of Cass. Her and Sid have recently got engaged but they are one of those couples who argue CONSTANTLY (the argument that followed the engagement – Sid’s choice of proposal, a mere suggestion of marriage, was not the ‘down on one knee’ top of the Eiffel tower proposal Cass had in mind – nearly resulted in their break-up).
“You are crazy. And a control freak. But also more mentally advanced than him – he can’t keep up, if you don’t like it dump him!”
That’s Donna, a permanently brooding feminist whose pessimistic streak perfectly counters Cass’s ‘away with the fairies’ persona. The two never take the same side on anything so are perfect for advice – it’s got me this far anyway.
After scoffing ourselves with far too many beautiful Irish Whiskey brownies (certainly enough to be feeling a bit tipsy) the JC topic was reached.
“He is gorgeous looking… the flaky golden skin… maybe you should go for it?! You’ve said he’s a real gentlemen aside from his man whorish ways? You could be the one to change him!” - Cass
“Don’t be silly, you need to block him out of your head entirely. Stay completely away from him. He is bad news. Do not even smile at him. He will think he can have his way with you!” - Donna
I would love to take Cass’ advice really I would. But for the moment Donna’s seems wisest. Especially so soon into my new job. Sigh. Lots of wine was drunk after this decision. But is definitely best course of action. STAY AWAY FROM JC.
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Despite kids being grumpy and unwilling to learn, feel like I managed to educate today – teaching them to make my specialty Jaffa cake brownies worked a treat. They look and taste greeeeeathttp://brownieheaven.co.uk/products/12-jaffa-cake-slutty-blondie-brownies Well on the way to completing my educating goddess objective.
Did catch a sneaky glimpse of Head teacher Jean-Claude (JC) through my classroom window and may have looked for a bit too long… Did however get a smile -I would describe it as mildly flirtatious. Must ignore this however, am meeting Cass and Donna later so will dissect the situation then. Need plan for warding off feelings towards very attractive looking boss.
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Weight: 25g. Alcohol consumption: 3 thimbles of whiskey.
Food consumed today:
6 chocolate chips (but 3 cranberries so cancels it out)
a sip of honey
a nibble of Brie
half a cocktail sausage
So today went as follows. Mother invited me over to her Tupperware for dinner.
Silly of me to think it would be a simple family dinner - 2 brownies treating their ambitious beautiful daughter to a slap up meal to celebrate her new job.
I was not the only person invited to dinner. Oh no. So as I enter (with no make up and wearing clothes that should only be seen by the takeaway man and my TV) I am shocked to see another pastry sitting at the table. A teacake to be precise. ONLY BLOODY TIM!
Tim is Mother’s idea of the ideal partner – good job, acceptable dress sense and agreeable nature. In other words unexciting, boring and wet. No thank you.
“Bridget, look who else has dropped in. Tim has just moved back to the area after his divorce”. Trust Mother to get his eligibility into his introduction.
Tim gets up, smiling, to greet me, and I see the pastel purple jumper – a colour that should not be worn by a middle aged man, especially one who is not European.
“Hi Bridget, how’s life?” said Tim.
Well I’m single, with a new job I feel completely overwhelmed by and a good 5g overweight. “Yeah great thanks Tim. On a new career path so all very exciting at the moment! How about you holding up? So sorry to hear about the divorce...”
Bridget 1,Tim 0.
The rest of dinner passed just as awkwardly, with Tim trying desperately to make conversation with me. My constant evasion of his affections may seem harsh but desperation just oozes out of him. No thank you.
I am a proud, strong brownie and I WILL find a man worthy of me. Once I’ve lost those last couple of grams...
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THIS IS IT. From this moment I am going to change my life for the better. It’s like Oliva Newton-John once said, “I don’t know what my path is yet. I’m just walking on it”. And she managed to get sexy and win John Travolta over in the course of an hour. She is inspirational.
Goals for the year:
- To find a boyfriend. I am fed up of being the single one and of constantly being sent on HORRENDOUS blind dates. After much reading and listening to the independent women of Destiny’s Child I have realised how strong and amazing I am. Who wouldn’t want me? A career driven (on a Monday), attractive (maybe slightly chunky) and intelligent (I have such a great knowledge of the ups and downs of the Beckhams’ relationship) brownie like me.
- To lose that last 5g. After much research I have decided that eating nothing is the way forward. This hasn’t gone to plan so far ( after 10am I convinced myself I was about to faint from lack of food so had to nibble on some cheddar for health and safety reasons). This is fine though as come Monday I will go through a transformation where I will inhabit the soul and strength of my hero Mel B (2 WILL become 1) and I will be able to combat anything.
- To become the best food tech teacher I possibly can. I am definitely not naïve in thinking I can change the world – children love me and I can make some killer pastries. How hard can running a lesson of 20 emotionally charged teenagers be?
- To NOT fall in love with my boss. Despite the fact he is the hottest thing since the Cornish pasty and has some of the smoothest pastry I’ve ever seen, it would not be acceptable and probably detrimental to my blossoming career. However, I am ruling in this diary that it is ok to stare provided I stay a minimum of 3 paces away from him.
- To always dress fabulously. You never know when you are going to meet ‘the one’ and to make sure he realises that I am ‘his one’ I am going to have to dress to impress at all times. This means waking up earlier in order to primp (something that should be ok providing I have my power playlist at the ready) and hey, will probably mean I do some exercise because I will definitely be in that mood. And dancing around my room does equal an intense cardio workout.
Follow these rules at all time Bridget, you successful ravishing young brownie.